If it's both terrifying and amazing, then you should
definitely pursue it.
My leaving day is here. I start looking around my
bedroom and I have the sudden urge to close my fingers around my hair, not
because I'm anxious or scared, although I think those feelings are not really
helping, but because the drawers are opened, the clothes scattered, the books
on the floor, and my desk filled with latte
mugs.
I skim the check-list and I am certain that there will
be something left forgotten. How did I leave everything for last minute?
Oh, I know! Because it's me!
Which leads me to that feeling I often find myself
ruminating over: anxiety or lack of preparation? It's natural to feel slightly
nervous before a trip, but all the time and that much? If you had prepared your
itinerary a little more, seen how to get there, planned your days better,
packed your bags sooner (and I mean everything, not just for the picture),
wouldn't you feel more relaxed? Anxiety or lack of organisation? If you had
prepared a list in advance, with the items as they appeared and not on the last
day, hoping you'll remember everything and yelling profanities when you
remember one on the way to the airport, maybe you wouldn't be so stressed.
And then I think: it wouldn't be me if I did. I
wouldn't be that person who went to South America with nothing planned, with
only the two first nights reserved and no idea of how to catch a bus to go to
Bolivia (I hadn't even bothered to learn that the travel system in South
America is amazing). That girl who found the next place she wanted to see only
after someone mentioned it was nice and interesting (although to this date, I
still regret my lack of preparation and the fact that I was robbed prevented me
from seeing the Salt Flats). The one who only knew when she would buy the next
ticket on the day itself and sometimes arrived at cities with unbooked hostels.
I hated that girl, she left my nerves running wild
every day before a departure, but I loved that girl and her spirit of
adventure. (Or perhaps, laziness, I bet on laziness)
The first week is already planned, not only because I
won't be going alone but also because in Europe not planning costs you much more, but from the 14th (the day of my flight to Beijing) I am going to
celebrate Valentine's Day and I'm going to date that girl again, because
although I hate the little nerves, I love not having plans or knowing where to
go much more.
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